This year I turned 40, and our continued lack of children threw me into a nearly year-long depression even deeper than before I was first diagnosed with Depression. That’s actually the first time I’ve ever publicly admitted what triggered my Depression; previously only confidants and healthcare providers knew. Yes, the chronic pain, memory problems, hand spasms, and resulting inability to work gave me plenty of reason to be depressed, but it wasn’t until I hit my mid-30s childless that it all became overwhelming.
In me, Depression frequently manifests as apathy, which is why I have done so little writing this year. Despite that, I have actually done a surprising amount of game-related writing. For one thing, the spreadsheets I use to breed and train Pokémon, and keep track of my collection have reached a level of complexity and usefulness that I am cleaning them up into a shareable tool.
I’ve also written an alpha version of a tabletop skirmish game based on GURPS. Currently it only works in co-op vs a GM because so many judgement calls will be required, but my goal is to have a game that can replace Mage Knight, Battletech, etc. with a game that will let you easily create and play units of your own design.
If you follow me on facebook or Twitter, you may have noticed that I have been far more active on those in the past several months than ever before, and sometimes make rather long facebook posts that would otherwise have been blog posts. One such will be posted here right after this.
I am still in a deep depression much of the time, but the periods of complete apathy have become rarer and briefer. With the continued prayers and support of family and friends, I have hope that I will be back to my old self soon, but in the meantime I will make my longer posts here rather than on facebook. And look forward to the releases of my new games and aids, including a Gameblox and then Android version of my first game, Cribbage Dice.